when worlds collide

I am glad that my post about being an HSP was highly received because that is what I am currently learning about myself and trying to understand. Today I wanted to share something I wrote in  the summer of 2011 that deals with both being an HSP (which I obviously didn't know about at the time) and also with eating disorder recovery. I have many old journal entries I will share over time here but this particular one ties in well with both topics I feel strongly sharing and discussing about and shows how they can effect each other.

I've been feeling like I don't have anyone to talk to, to help me sort my brain rather. It just seems like no one can handle the feelings I'm feeling. The more I improve my eating behaviors the more my anxiety is transferred to other areas of my life. Which in a sense is good because now I can actually start to sort out my life, take responsibility. I'm so afraid of failing at life that it's making me scared of doing anything, of changing anything. But I know my life needs change, I need to find what I really desire out of life so I can get to it! I'm so tired of my emotions controlling my life, I'm sick of feeling like a crazy person. I'm sick of my confidence being so low recently. I'm just having a hard time knowing where to start. I don't want to get used to my body, I want to be skinny again, I don't want to feel chunkiness it makes me so fucking sad. WHY? I've been trying so hard for so long, I've been eating healthy for over a year now and what? Well actually I've made some amazing improvements, but I'm just sooo unhappy in my own skin, and it fucking sucks so much, I don't think I can lose weight in a normal behavior, at least not to my knowledge. I need to go back to counselling, but I can't until September, it blows. I'm a crazy person. Just keep trying Lee-Anne.

It makes me sad to think that I am still uncomfortable in my own skin three years later, and my emotions still take me over on a regular basis. But you know I am constantly growing and gaining knowledge on how to improve my attitude towards myself and dealing with what life brings me, and that makes me so much happier!