Today's topic is this image
My wonderful loving boyfriend sent this photo to me today, it is two winners of a beauty pageant in 1922. Along with it he said "now look at that, you would be a beauty queen in 1922! fuck the modern thinking beauty doesn't mean to weigh under 50kg or whatever". He was being super nice, trying to compliment me because the girl on the left is more true to what I look like post recovery. I just burst into tears. I couldn't figure out exactly why it made me explode so quickly, I was fine with it and then BAM it was over. I have been bottling up some body image issues recently because my only way of dealing with it is to not let it get to me and just move on with my day. But I guess inside there is still so much sadness and anger. Anger that this is not 1922 and that is unfortunately not the modern thinking of beauty, and sadness that I cannot healthily achieve this standard. This is of course followed by more anger that I can't just love my healthy body and feel beautiful in it, and then sadness because I see those girls in that photo as beautiful, but I don't see myself that way even though I really do look great (so I'm told). It is really hard. I don't know what to do to get to a place of peace with my body. I love myself and try not to let this body thing get me down because I know it really doesn't need to be a big part of my life but... HOW?! How do I truly deal with this ghost?! I don't want to be haunted anymore.
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